after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
