Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
