Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
