I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
