chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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