It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
