You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
