stop calling my apartment porn island.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A bitchslap is in order.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
