I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
