I just threw up on my dentist
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
