You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
