At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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