Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
