it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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