It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
