so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
