im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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