I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
