R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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