I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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