i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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