I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
