smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
