If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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