i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
