when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
handjob tips. give me some.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
