all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
