Screwed.edu
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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