He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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