my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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