My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
