Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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