I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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