hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
