I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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