i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
