He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
