when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
