He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Pooping to opera.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
