ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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