I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
