Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
