did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
