Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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