they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
