Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
