I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
