I'm really into asian looking animals
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
