If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
