my phone needs a breathalizer
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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