Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
