Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
