My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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