U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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