Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
