i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
