Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
