I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
